Shining Light
by pesi
Summary: Lindsay was about to face the biggest challenge of her life, but would she have the courage not face it alone...bigger summery inside
1. Chapter 1

Shining light

**Summery: ****Lindsay had never been one to ask for help or want support but when she's taken sick she finds she has to have both.**

**timeline:-This is set some time after snow day, Lindsay and Danny hav only just got together.**

It was early morning as Lindsay Monroe began to get dressed for work as she slid her jeans on she once again noticed the gap between the fabric and her skin, as she slid the belt to the tightest notch she thought how most women would be pleased to have lost weight. Lindsay however had never been one to worry over her weight, never dieted, but now it was a concern because she'd been ignoring it for a while now. She hadn't been hungry so hadn't been eating much, that explained why the weight was dropping off and why she was so tired constantly. But twenty minutes ago as she showered ready for work she came across a sign she couldn't ignore a lump under her left armpit about an centimeter in diameter, she knew exactly what it was, swollen lymph nods, she knew it could be a number of thing ranging from minor illness to something much more serious but she couldn't bring herself to pick up the phone and ring for a doctors appointment to find out, she'd circled the phone a couple of times and even picked it up once but never dialed. As she slipped her tank top on she passed by the phone once more and decided that if she didn't feel better by end of shift she'd ring, it was just another excuse not to call now but it made her fell better.

When Lindsay arrived at the lab she'd barely stepped foot inside when Mac and Stella appeared.

"We've got a homicide Time hotel," said Mac as Lindsay did a one eighty turning to follow her colleagues out. It was a spring day and the sun was beginning to warm the air pleasantly however as they arrived at the hotel Lindsay found the heat more uncomfortable than enjoyable, if she was getting a temperature then it was probably just a virus. Mac, Stella and Lindsay made their way into the hotel stepping inside they were greeted by the manager.

"This way," he said quickly ushering them down a corridor and through a black door no doubt wanting to get them away from where guest could see them as quickly as possible. The door lead to a back alley outside filled with dumpsters and the usual collection of rubbish.

"Cleaner found him," said Flack who was stood next a dumpster peering over the top, "no id yet," he added.

"Stella body or dumpster," said Mac.

Stella looked over the top, "dumpster," she replied having seen the state of the body she's prefer the garbage.

"I'll take the alley then," said Lindsay setting to work.

Half an hour later and the body had been removed and the collection was coming to an end. The lump under Lindsay arm wasn't painful but inconvenient it made certain actions uncomfortable as the skin rubbed together. It also didn't help that she was defiantly getting a temperature.

"You done Lindsay?" asked Mac startling her slightly.

"Yeah lots of biological's including blood old and new," said Lindsay picking up the evidence bags she had collected.

"Yeah it's going to take a while to sort through this," agreed Stella helping Lindsay with her slight overload of bags.

Back at the lab Lindsay excused herself while Mac and Stella took the evidence in, she couldn't hold it off any longer she picked up her phone and rang for an appointment she was shocked when the receptionist offered her one for that afternoon as someone had cancelled, on autopilot Lindsay accepted completely forgetting she was working.

"Damn," cursed Lindsay half wanting to use it as an excuse to not go but it was only twelve and she was already tired. She sat dusting bits from the alley two fans cooling the room. Her appointment was at three and she needed to leave before then but she didn't want to tell Mac why. She could just disappear for an hour or so but at the minute she couldn't face the effort of that, her body was crying out for rest. She felt like crap the rooms heat was stifling despite the fact Lindsay only had a tank top and thin trousers on it was doing nothing to cool her down.

"Hey no hits for that print," said Adam coming in, "you got some kind of experiment in here?" he asked wrapping his lab coat round him.

"No," said Lindsay turning to him slightly perplexed as to why he would think that,

"It's freezing just figured you were keeping something cold," said Adam nodding at the two fans Lindsay had turned on, "are you ok you look a bit pale?"

"Yeah urm I've go to check on something," said Lindsay not wanting any more questions. As she exited she saw Mac sat in his office taking a breath she headed towards it slowly forming a story in her head.

Mac was doing the bit of his job he hated, the paperwork when someone knocked on his door without looking up he answered, "come in," the person who stepped inside didn't speak so he looked up to see Lindsay stood in front of him looking pale and what he could only describe as scared.

"Urm would it be ok if I left….. I'm getting a migraine," said Lindsay quietly, the story in her head sounded better, she didn't know why she just didn't tell him how she felt it was like by saying it was a migraine it made her less at fault not which she was at fault in the first place.

"Yeah, you look pale do you want a lift?" asked Mac standing up trying to gauge how Lindsay was something seemed off, although he knew a migraine could make you very ill it seemed like something else.

"No," replied Lindsay quickly, "thanks," she added realizing she was been harsh.

"Well your not driving so either one of us drives you or I take you down stairs and put you in a taxi myself," said Mac. Lindsay knew he wasn't going to back down.

"I'll get a taxi," said Lindsay standing up which had suddenly become a great effort.

"Right," said Mac standing and opening the door for her then following her out. She'd rather hoped he'd allow her to do that by herself but he was going to follow her. The confined space of the elevator was almost too much for Lindsay to take as the heat encased her for a moment she felt faint and it didn't go unnoticed by Mac.

"Are you going to be ok to get home by yourself?" he asked placing a hand on her arm and leading her out into reception.

"Yes I just need some sleep," said Lindsay as Mac led her over to the reception desk and instructed the women to get Lindsay a taxi as he did his pager went off.

"Make sure she gets in it," said Mac to the receptionist like Lindsay was a small child been allowed to ride the bus for the first time.

"Ring me when you get home," instructed Mac before leaving.

Mac didn't see anyone again until Stella came into his office looking stressed.

"Where's Lindsay?" she asked not having bothered knocking on the door, "She's processed half the stuff from the alley and no ones seen her since." After spending the best part of an hour stood in a dumpster Stella wasn't in the best of moods.

"It's my fault she gone home, I forgot to let you know," sighed Mac.

"Home?" questioned Stella her anger falling and curiosity rising.

"Sick," explained Mac, "she rang a few minutes ago to let me know she got there.

"You had her ring," said Stella knowing Lindsay must have been pretty bad for it to warrant Mac monitoring her.

"Said she had a migraine but when I touched her arm felt like she had a fever," said Mac as Danny and Hawkes both entered the room.

"You know Lindsay never admits when she's not ok," said Stella turning to see the two men, she of course had immediately peaked Danny's interest the two had started dating not long ago.

"What's up with Montana?" asked Danny.

"Gone home sick," replied Stella.

"Probably caught that bug going round," said Hawkes he was about to continue as to why he and Danny were there but Danny had turned and gone.

"Was there a reason you all came here?" asked Mac as Hawkes watched Danny disappear into the distance.

"We found a link to your case," said Hawkes turning back wondering why Danny had gone.

Danny headed straight for the locker room about the only place in the lab it was quiet and pulled out his phone dialing Lindsay, after ringing for a bit it went to answer phone.

"Hey Lind's heard your not well, if you need anything just give me a call love you,"

**TBC………………….**

Reviews are appreciated and constructive criticism welcome…


	2. Chapter 2

Thoughts were flying through Lindsay's mind as she sat in the back of the taxi; she'd just lied to Mac who was going to unknowingly lie to everyone else about her. It wasn't a complete lie she was sick, she just wasn't sure how sick. Then when that crossed her mind all the different things Sid and Hawkes had described to her, the different illnesses rushed through her head and she wasn't sure if she could deal with any of them. To others she looked like she dealt with illness well, she didn't lay around the house, she carried only but the only reason she did that was to avoid admitting she needed help.

"Were here," said the driver sounding annoyed clearly he'd already announced their arrival but Lindsay had been in such a dream she didn't' realize. She hastily paid the man and exited the taxi. While she still felt warm the intense heat from earlier seemed to have gone as she stepped inside the clinic. Booking in at reception she took up one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs. The clinic wasn't busy there were a few children with parents and a couple of elderly gentlemen in the waiting room. She glanced round at all the posters on the walls advertising free clinics, new dugs and support groups. Time seemed to have slowed as she sat there each second seemed like a minute as she watched a small boy playing with some plastic bricks building the tower up only to knock it down again.

"Miss Monroe," called the receptionist and Lindsay wearily got to her feet, "room four," she instructed pointing down the hall.

Lindsay paused outside the light blue door of the doctor's office before knocking and entering.

"Hello," smiled the woman sat at the desk peering over her glasses at the computer screen she turned and smiled at Lindsay as she sat down.

"And what can I do for you?" she asked slipping her glasses off and looking Lindsay up and down the way Sid did to a body trying to look for an obvious signs of what was wrong.

"I urm have a lump," started Lindsay suddenly finding her voice very distant, "under my arm pit."

"Any other symptoms?" asked Doctor Wright fishing in her draw for something.

"I'm tired a lot of the time," said Lindsay as Dr Wright pulled out a Bp monitor.

"Is the lump painful?"

"No," replied Lindsay getting a look from the female doctor that she couldn't read.

"Right I'm just going to take your blood pressure then I'll have a look," she explained as Lindsay slipped her jacket off allowing her to place the cuff on her arm.

"I'm also going to take your temperature, have you noticed been warmer than usual?" she asked as the cuff inflated.

"A bit," said Lindsay rather mumbled as the air left the cuff and the women now pulled her ear back slightly to place the thermometer in.

"Bp's a bit low I suspect that might be due to slight anemia your temperatures above average but some people just run hot," smiled the doctor clearly trying to be reassuring.

"Right I need to have a look at that lump now which side?" she asked as Lindsay turned slightly lifting her arm but turning her head away while she was prodded a poked.

"Right you can slip your jacket back on now," said the doctor now with less of a smile on her face, "I'm a bit concerned about that, with it not been painful and your lack of infection symptoms I'd like to do a biopsy." Lindsay froze at that word she knew what it meant they were checking for cancer. "I'm going to take some bloods now and book you in to have the biopsy taken tomorrow," explained Dr Wright now speaking slower knowing that it was a struggle for patients to take in much of what was been said after the word biopsy was mentioned. Lindsay sat perfectly still as the blood was taken and was still in a daze as she stood at reception while she was booked to come back the next morning to have the biopsy. She couldn't even remember the taxi ride home, it wasn't until she got into her apartment and played the messages on her answering phone on autopilot it hit her. There could be something seriously wrong. She stood in the hallway listening to Danny's voice play across the apartment silent tears tracing paths down her checks as she heard the concern in his tone at the fact she had gone home. She didn't know how to do this how to talk to him or anyone about things like this. She was scared but she didn't know how to tell anyone, she wasn't even sure she wanted to tell anyone she just wanted to get on with it, she wanted to know what it was she was going to have to fight.

"What are you doing you don't even know there's anything wrong," Lindsay said out loud suddenly wiping at the tears that had fallen. She went and sat on the sofa flicking the TV on and soon fatigue took over and she fell asleep.

Lindsay woke the next morning to find none of yesterday's events had been a nightmare; the three messages on the answering machine gave a hint of that, each one from Danny asking how she was and saying to ring him. Part of her wanted to but the other half couldn't face up to admitting what was happening. After listening to the messages four times Lindsay headed into the kitchen, she was supposed to be at work in half an hour but in four hours she was having a biopsy and she defiantly couldn't face telling Mac that she could deal with this on her own. Looking at the clock she decided that Mac would probably already be at work by now so she headed back over to the phone.

Mac had arrived early they were getting backed up with caseloads, three new ones the previous day and two on his desk when he walked in. Danny and Hawkes were steadily working through there case load however when it was discovered that Mac and Stella's case involved two more bodies the evidence had quickly built up and been one CSI down yesterday didn't help. He was flicking through some of the paperwork also piling up on his desk when his phone rang.

"Taylor," answered Mac in his usual business like manner.

"Hi Mac it's Lindsay," came the slightly nervous reply.

"Lindsay how are you?" asked Mac knowing the answer wasn't going to be good, she wouldn't be calling him before shift if she was fine.

"Not so good," replied Lindsay, "I think I've caught that stomach bug that's going round. I'm not going to come in."

"Don't worry about it, get plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids," instructed Mac.

"Thanks," said Lindsay then the line went dead.

Twenty minutes later then rest of the CSI's were filtering into the lab. Stella was first in still looking slightly tired from yesterday.

"Hey Mac," smiled Stella finding him already working on the evidence from their second victim, "did we get a cause of death?" she asked leaning over a piece of paper that Mac was fingerprinting.

"Blunt force trauma," replied Mac, "his car was brought in last night if you want to start processing that."

"Am I on my own?" asked Stella.

"For now Lindsay called in sick," answered Mac as Danny walked in.

"She's still sick?" he asked the tone of his voice catching Stella's attention.

"It's only been ten hours," said Stella, "give her a chance," she said patting Danny on the shoulder as she went. Danny suspected Stella knew about him and Lindsay been more than just friends and as she left he wondered if she was talking about the illness of the fact she hadn't called him.

A big part of Lindsay wanted to call Danny and currently that part was winning. She'd progressed from passing up and down next to the phone to picking it up and completing laps of her apartment while working up the courage to dial. Stopping in front of the sink her confidence suddenly won over and she found herself dialing Danny's mobile. As it rang she found her breathing getting faster and faster he answered now he'd think she was in distress.

"Linds," Danny's concerned voice answered the phone after he'd nearly knocked Adam out the way on seeing the call ID flash up on his phone across the room.

"Yeah, sorry I didn't ring yesterday I just needed some rest," said Lindsay already lying to him.

"Hey It's ok I just wanted to make sure you were alright, how you doing? Mac says you've got a stomach bug." Enquired Danny.

"I'm doing ok just tired mostly," replied Lindsay telling him the truth. The line went silent for a few seconds nether one knew what to say. Lindsay wasn't ready to let Danny close enough to tell him what was happening and Danny wasn't ready to push the subject despite knowing there was something else going on.

"I'll let you get some rest then, I urm just wanted to make sure you were ok,"

"Ok…. thanks Danny," said Lindsay before hanging up.

**TBC…………………………….. thanks to those who left reviews last time you really encouraged me.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N sorry for the delay, this chapters for ****wtlozy for reminding me how much I'm enjoying writing this story…**

Some how the journey to the clinic seemed to take three times longer than it did yesterday. The waiting room seemed smaller than before more suffocating despite there only been five people present, Lindsay guessed the good weather was stopping people coming in, usually she felt better when the sun was shinning but not now. Not that she felt ill, well most of the time she felt fine.

"Miss Monroe, room 7," called the receptionist startling Lindsay and causing her to dropt he magazine she had picked up to occupy her hands. Lindsay hastily picked up the magazine shoving it back on pile before escaping the looming walls of reception and into the tighter space of the corridor that seemed to stretch forever but it only took her ten paces and she was knocking of the door of the exam room. On entering she found the same doctor as she saw yesterday stood across the other side of the room busy preparing something. The room was small the previous one and contained a bed and several counters with equipment spread out.

"If you just want to take a seat on the bed," smiled Dr Wright.

The procedure wasn't painful just uncomfortable once it was finished she was given a sling and told to wear t for as long as she needed as moving with the stitch would be uncomfortable at first. On her way out Lindsay was given bits of paper on wound care and told the hospital would send a letter for an appointment to get the results. The rest of the day comprised of her flicking through TV channels unable to concentrate on anything she eventually fell asleep. The following day Lindsay called in sick again not ready to face work she spent the entire day in bed just laid going between sleep and flicking through whatever books were lying around.

The next day she woke as she always did tired, she couldn't face work yet especially since she would have to explain the fact she could barley move her arm as every time she did it pulled at her stitch. Instead she phoned in sick again leaving a message on Mac's machine, she was grateful he didn't pick up. She spent most of the day sleeping, she had to force herself to get up and make something to eat because the tiredness just seemed to take over her body.

Lindsay didn't wake up again until the soft thud of the magazine she had been flipping through fell on the floor. She'd had enough of been cooped up in the apartment so she decided to take a walk down stairs and check the post. Her apartment block was quite she didn't see another soul as she made her way down which was a good thing because she wasn't exactly looking her best, she wearing a pair of jogging pant and had a dark blue cardigan draped over her as she found getting dressed with one arm in a sling difficult as best. She went into the hallway and opened the metal door she picked up the three envelopes, advertising, bill and something stamped with a hospital logo. She hadn't expected it to arrive so soon. Discarding the other letter shoving them into her pocket she ripped open the envelope. Reading down she found she had an appointment at the outpatients clinic the day after tomorrow at ten forty to discuss her results it then went onto say if there was any delays in getting the results she would be contacted. Lindsay hadn't even realized she'd walked back to her apartment while reading until she shut the door. She was glad she had as the spurt of energy she'd had, had worn off so she went back to curling herself up on the sofa until she dropped to sleep again.

The next day when Lindsay woke up her arm wasn't as sore as it had been the day before; she glanced over at the clock, eight am. She knew she had to face work sometime and it was going to be easier sooner rather than later. Stretching slightly from where she had fallen asleep on the couch Lindsay attentively lifted her arm and slide her sling off, the movement was uncomfortable but bearable. It took her longer to shower and get ready than usual because of her lack of mobility and the now usual fatigue. She got a taxi to work rather than driving as she didn't want to risk pulling her arm. On arriving at the lab she paused outside the building deciding if she could face it or not.

"Linds," Danny's voice broke through her thoughts and she turned to see him jogging out the building towards her, "how are you?" he grinned coming over and hugging Lindsay.

"Better thanks," smiled Lindsay as Danny pulled away, she felt horrible lying to him but she wasn't ready to tell anyone yet, there might not even be anything to tell.

"You sure you seem kind of…" Danny trailed off not wanting to insult her.

"Bit tired still getting over it," smiled Lindsay.

"I've got a body on 42nd so I'll talk to you later," said Danny with a huge grin.

"Sure," smiled Lindsay having no choice but to go in now she had been spotted.

"As she exited the elevator she felt like everyone was looking at her as she approached Mac's office she could see him inside. Stopping outside she knocked, usual she'd have knocked and gone straight in but this time she waited until he looked up smiling.

"Lindsay good to have you back," smiled Mac as Lindsay entered.

"Thanks," said Lindsay shyly.

"How you feeling," he asked taking in her appearance she still looked washed out but illness could do that for a while after.

"Ok," replied Lindsay keeping it short.

"Good, Stella dropped off some evidence in trace earlier that need processing," said Mac wanting to keep Lindsay in the lab until he was sure she was ok. Lindsay didn't answer but simply left, she felt guilty the entire time she was there he was worried about her like Danny had been and the fact she'd lied about what was wrong made her feel like she didn't deserve it. Lindsay was grateful to spend the next two hours alone gradually working through the evidence pile Stella had left. The work wasn't putting to much stress on her arm but the more she had to maneuver it the sorer it became.

"Fancy seeing you here," grinned Stella entering, "and there was me dreading having to work through this pile."

"Hey Stell," smiled Lindsay.

"So you doing ok?"

"Found three bullet casing in the trash."

"I mean two not the case," interrupted Stella.

"Yeah thanks," replied Lindsay reverting into her shell slightly. Stella wasn't sure exactly what was off with Lindsay but she was going to push the subject yet.

"So you ok working through this while me and Flack go look for our suspect of do you fancy getting out for a bit?" asked Stella.

"You go I'm ok here," replied Lindsay busying herself with work. Lindsay managed to avoid most of the people who she wanted to for the rest of the day it wasn't until she was heading to the locker room to get her things she saw Stella. Well she didn't see her she was busy searching her bag for her keys and Stella was reading a file so the two women collided. Under normal circumstances it wouldn't have fazed Lindsay but after hours of moving her left arm it was throbbing and Stella hit her left side. Lindsay gasped tears pricking at her eyes her right hand immediately went to her left shoulder.

"Lindsay are you ok?" asked Stella concern evident in voice.

"Yeah," said Lindsay, "just made me jump," she said trying to walk away because tears were treating to fall but Stella followed her into the locker room, been a women following her Lindsay couldn't even go hide in the toilets. Instead Lindsay sat down on the bench breathing deeply as the pain subsided. Stella leant against the lockers waiting for Lindsay to speak.

"I banged in on m y door yesterday, must have hurt it more than I thought," said Lindsay inwardly begging Stella to go away because if she showed her kindness there was a chance she would break down.

"Lindsay something's wrong," started Stella bending down so she was eye level with her. Stella had dealt with Lindsay when she was keeping her past a secret and she knew she was keeping something from her now. "Look you don't have to tell me what it is but by the looks of it you need to tell someone." Lindsay looked up a Stella's penetrating gaze.

"Promise me your going to talk to someone about whatever this is," said Stella firmly. Lindsay nodded, Stella was right she wasn't handling this on her own.

"You going to be ok?" asked Stella standing.

"Yeah," replied Lindsay, "have you seen Danny?"

TBC…………………….


	4. Chapter 4

"He's in ballistics, on overtime so drag him away if you have to," smiled Stella, "I don't want to see the pair of you in this lab until tomorrow," she added before leaving. Lindsay must have sat there for a couple of minutes before she built up the courage to go and find Danny. Suddenly she stood walking quickly out like if she didn't reach him now she'd never do it and that was a possibility. Luckily Danny was alone when she entered.

"Danny I need to talk to you," it came out so fast Lindsay was surprised Danny understood a word.

"What about?" he asked cautiously confused to her sudden out burst.

"Not here," said Lindsay taking deep breaths like she had just been running.

"Ok where?" asked Danny his concern mounting, something was defiantly not right with her.

"Can we go back to mine?" asked Lindsay anxiety causing her hands to shake slightly.

"Sure, Lindsay are you ok?" asked Danny coming over and placing a hand on each of her arms.

"Please Danny I can't do this here can you just wait until we get back," pleaded Lindsay her emotions nearly boiling over.

"Sure," said Danny pulling his lab coat off, he could see by the state of her not to push it.

The wait for the train to Lindsay's was uncomfortable at best, Danny made he odd bit of conversation about the weather but Lindsay was too busy concentrating on what she was going to say to give any answer. Danny was becoming increasingly worried as they got on the train, he thought maybe she was going to finish with him but to make him go all the way to hers to do it was strange. To sit in such close proximity on the train was agonizing, a big part of him was telling him to push her and get what was going out of her. Normally he would he was used to having have to push Lindsay, he'd done it so much to even get to the first date it was nearly a given but now something in her mannerisms told him to hold back that if he pushed her there was a chance rather than pushing back she'd simply be pushed away. Luckily it wasn't far from there stop to Lindsay apartment but even as they ascended Danny felt Lindsay hesitate, slow as they got closer to her place as if she was slowly backing out of whatever was going on. Once inside the two stood in silence until Lindsay turned and walked into the kitchen unable to take the silence any longer but incapable of forming words.

"Lindsay, whatever's going on you need to talk to me," said Danny going over to her and placing a hand firmly on each arm when she tried to walk away.

"I can't Danny," said Lindsay her gaze dropping down, "I thought I could do this but I can't."

"Do what Lindsay tell me what's going on," said Danny forcefully.

"I lied," snapped Lindsay angrier than she meant to, "I lied about been sick," she finished her tone returning too normal.

"You weren't sick? Mac sent you home," asked Danny realising his grip on her as he became confused.

"I was sort of sick," said Lindsay walking away and sitting down, "I've been tired a lot recently and…" she stopped and rubbed her hands over her face mirroring Danny who was stood three feet away doing the same, "I found a lump under my arm and went to have a biopsy that's why I've been off," said Lindsay fighting back tears.

Danny stood in shock processing this a hand resting on his mouth.

"Biopsy, for cancer?" asked Danny his voice inching higher than usual. Lindsay nodded, "why didn't you tell me?" he knew it was a stupid thing to ask the seconds the words came out but sometimes his mouth ran ahead of his brain.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't know what to do," said Lindsay tears now escaping, "don't you think I've been going over and over this, I didn't want you to feel like you had to do anything I just…" she trailed off wiping at tears.

"Whoa, Lindsay," Danny came over and bent down in front of her, "it's ok that was a stupid thing to say I was just shocked," said Danny pulling her into a hug, "when do you get the results?" he asked as Lindsay calmed down.

"Tomorrow," replied Lindsay sitting up, "will you come with me?" she asked quietly.

"Cause," said Danny still trying to process what had just happened.

"You don't have to, it's just I'm scared," whispered Lindsay.

"I want to come with you," said Danny reassuring her "is that why you got sick the other day?"

"Yeah my temperature went up suddenly kind of fried my brain," said Lindsay with a hint of a smile, "I lied to Mac," she added.

"I think he'll understand," said Danny as Lindsay gazed dropped to the floor.

"I'm going to have to tell him aren't I?"

"Not just yet we'll wait until tomorrow before we worry about that," said Danny, "you look tired why don't you go lie down."

"We're both on shift tomorrow," Lindsay pointed out.

"I'll sort it, you just go get some rest," said Danny as Lindsay stood and gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaving. Once Lindsay had gone Danny fell down onto the seat in complete shock. He wanted his and Lindsay's relationship to get more serious but not like this, he understood why she didn't tell him straight away she was trying to deal with it like he was now. He had no idea if he could handle it if there was something seriously wrong but not because he wasn't ready to be there for Lindsay but because he was, because as he'd just found out if she was ever hurt it felt like someone had taken all the oxygen from the room and he was slowly suffocating.

**TBC………………….**

**Well here it is my attempt at emotional drama….please let me know what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N thanks for the reviews and thanks to Lexie for been beta with this chapter.**

After sitting for a full hour Danny decided to go check on Lindsay, he found her laid under a blanket on the bed fully awake and playing with a loose strand of cotton.

"You been awake all this time?" asked Danny going in and sitting on the bed next to her.

"Most of it," confessed Lindsay, "just thinking."

"Can I see?" asked Danny suddenly.

"See what I'm thinking?" asked Lindsay puzzled as she awkwardly propped herself up avoiding pulling her stitch.

"Where urm," Danny wasn't sure how to phrase it.

"Yeah," Lindsay answered for him she turned and lifted her arm to reveal the lump with a single stitch sticking out, "not the most attractive thing," said Lindsay.

"Does it hurt?" asked Danny leaning in as she sat back.

"It didn't before but now it's sore if I stretch my arm," said Lindsay leaning against Danny.

"You're warm," commented Danny rubbing his hand up her arm.

"Seem to be all the time recently," sighed Lindsay, "the doctor said it could be symptoms of other things," said Lindsay.

"No need to panic yet," said Danny despite the fact his mind was rushing through all the various illnesses Hawkes and Sid had described in autopsy.

"Are you mad at me?" asked Lindsay after a few seconds silence.

"Why would I be mad?" asked Danny.

"For keeping it from you."

"I think I can understand why, I'm just glad you told me," smiled Danny.

"Well it was sort of Stella who made me," confessed Lindsay, "she doesn't know, she knocked my arm and saw me react to it, she told me to talk to someone about whatever was going on," said Lindsay shutting her eyes.

"You going to sleep?" asked Danny.

"No," replied Lindsay flickering her eyes open.

"Get some sleep Montana," said Danny kissing her forehead. He waited until her breathing went into a gently rhythm to ensure she was sleep before sliding off the bed and heading into the other room. He made a beeline for her laptop flicking it open he began typing her symptoms into a search engine. He ready article after article before finally falling asleep on the sofa.

Lindsay woke to find herself alone in bed, wrapping the blanket around her she went into the main room to see Danny asleep on the sofa.

"Danny," said Lindsay softly as she approached him, "Danny," she said a bit louder causing him to stir.

"Morning Montana," smiled Danny stretching.

"We're meant to be at work in half an hour," said Lindsay worriedly.

"Hey I told you leave that to me," said Danny taking hold of Lindsay good arm and tugging her so she sat down next to him, "how long till the appointment?"

"Two hours," answered Lindsay.

"Right you go make us some breakfast and leave work to me," said Danny standing and kissing her forehead. He headed into the bedroom and shut the door flicking out his mobile he called Mac.

Mac was just entering the lab as his mobile rung picking it up he saw Danny's caller id, he let it ring a few times allowing him to reach his office before he picked up.

"What's up Danny," said Mac answering the phone knowing that to call him before shift meant he wanted something.

"Mac me and Lindsay are going to be late," started Danny.

"How late?" interrupted Mac assuming they'd missed a train.

"About four hours," replied Danny.

"Four hours," repeated Mac.

"Listen Mac I'm really sorry we'll explain everything when we get there."

"Why can't you explain it now," said Mac holding a hand up to silence Stella who had just walked in his office.

"Its personal Mac and I can't tell you I'm sorry," with that he hung up.

"What was that?" asked Stella having noticed the annoyed tone he had taken on.

"I'm not exactly sure but we're going to be two CSI's down for half the day," he said somewhat angry but also knowing that Danny wasn't the sort of person to do something like this if it wasn't entirely necessary.

"Lindsay and Danny," said Stella more as statement than a question.

"Do you know what's going on?" sighed Mac.

"I'm not sure," replied Stella now concerned, "but when they get here I think it's going to need the gentle approach."

"All sorted but we're going to have to tell him when we go back," said Danny coming into the kitchen.

"Sure. Can we deal with that after," said Lindsay.

Lindsay only managed half a slice of toast despite Danny's constant attempts to get her to eat more but she was so nervous she couldn't force any more down. The ride across town to the hospital took half an hour then it took another twenty minutes to navigate their was to the correct part of the hospital. They ended up in a long corridor that ended in a waiting area filled with plastic chairs lined up in rows. Most of the seats were occupied by people who had come form home and those who were dressed in hospital gowns.

"How you doing Montana?" whispered Danny placing a hand on her knee as they sat down after registering.

"Ok," said Lindsay her voice shaking.

"Whatever it were going to deal with it together even if it's only the wrath of Mac," said Danny with a trademark grin. They were lucky enough to only wait five minutes although each felt like an eternity. The office the entered was quite large and had two comfy seat pulled up against a desk were a man was sat behind writing in a file.

"Lindsay Monroe?" asked the doctor indicating for the two to sit down.

"Yeah, this is Danny," she added as Danny nodded sitting down.

"Good to make sure I have the right patient," he said lowering his glasses on his nose as he read a piece of paper in front of him.

"Right we've go the results of the biopsy and an full blood screen back," he said making eye contact with Lindsay who was twisting her fingers together on her lap.

"I'm sorry to tell you the biopsy was maligment." It was like someone had poured ice down Lindsay's back as she heard those words she numbly felt Danny's hand on her own searching out her fingers to grip onto.

"What sort of cancer?" said Lindsay unaware she had actually spoken.

"You have non Hodgkin's lymphoma stage two B, which means you have secondary symptoms and the cells are aggressive," he spoke slowly like to a small child making eye contact with Lindsay but glancing over at Danny who had one hand firmly pressed over his chin and the other gripping Lindsay's.

"Lindsay I assure you that this type of cancer is very treatable. You've got an appointment with oncology tomorrow where an specialist will talk tot you about treatment," he said reaching to his desk were the was several leaflets bound together.

"There's some literature here on it but I suggest you leave reading it until you've been tomorrow you appointment cards on the top," he handed the pile straight to Danny.

"Urm thanks," said Danny taking the leaflets and standing pulling a shocked Lindsay to her feet as he did.

"Thanks," said Lindsay politeness taking over as they left the office. Danny walked down the corridor his hand still gripping Lindsay's neither said a word until they were out the waiting area. Once they were outside the reality sank in and Lindsay lent back against the wall tears fats falling down her face.

"Lindsay," Danny cupped hand under her chin, "Lindsay listen to me it's going to be ok."

"How can you know that?" sobbed Lindsay wiping at her tears angrily.

"Because I know you Linds your one of the strongest people I know and you can fight this ok," he placed a hand on each check and pulled her face up so she was forced to look at him, "I'm going to be here for and we're going to fight this," said Danny leaning in and kissing her. The shock had finally worn of as they sat in the back of the taxi heading across town to the lab. Despite Lindsay's mind racing over what was coming she felt somewhat comforted by the fact Danny hadn't let go of her hand since they'd left the hospital. She'd flicked through some of the leaflets as a scientist she found comfort in knowledge.

"Are you scared," asked Lindsay quietly.

"Yeah," said Danny after thinking a few seconds, "scared of loosing you, scared of seeing you ill, scared of letting you down."

"Letting me down?" interrupted Lindsay.

"I know you and I know how you push people away like before the trial. You need to let people help you Linds this isn't something you can fight on you own."

"I know, I knew that before but I guess it's just how I handle things," said Lindsay as the taxi pulled up.

"Will you still find me attractive when I'm bald?" asked Lindsay as Danny paid the driver, "inappropriate jokes is another coping mechanism." She added as Danny hit her playfully with the leaflets. Lindsay had learnt that no matter what happened life carried on, she'd tried to make it stop after he friends died but it didn't you just had to carry on no matter what and make the best of what you were left with and right now she had Danny and that was certainly adding points in the good column.

"You ready for this?" asked Danny.

"No," replied Lindsay drawing a breath, "but I don't think I ever will be."

TBC…………………………..


	6. Chapter 6

Lindsay was still gripping Danny's hand as they made there way into the busy building, neither spoke in the way up on the elevator both silently thinking. As they exited the confined space they saw Stella walking down the corridor almost opposite them, Lindsay knew Stella had seen them but she didn't stop of draw attention to them but carried on. They saw Mac sat in his office as they approached.

"Ready," said Lindsay quietly as Danny knocked on the door then entered. Mac looked up trying to read the pairs body language.

"Sorry Mac," said Lindsay suddenly, well there was her well thought out speech out the window.

"Danny told me that the reason you've both been awol this morning would be explained," said Mac not getting up be indication for the couple to sit down.

"I'm sorry I wanted to tell but I couldn't face it," said Lindsay looking down at her lap.

"Why don't you start from the beginning?" suggested Mac who was looking at Danny. Danny's eyes were pleading with Mac for him to remain calm and let Lindsay talk and somehow Mac seemed to be able to pick up on this.

"I didn't tell you the truth about why I've been off," said Lindsay now playing with her watchstrap and talking to the floor. "I urm had to go to the hospital for some tests." She paused hoping Mac would speak but didn't yet she could feel his eyes on her.

"I asked Danny to go with me to get the results,"

"This morning," said Mac softly his anger about been two CSI's down long since gone.

"I asked him not to tell you, I'm sorry," said Lindsey now looking up and meeting Mac's eye concern evident in them.

"I've got cancer," said Lindsay saying the words out loud for the first time, they seemed to echo round the silent room. Mac sat for a moment then got up went round and embraced Lindsay in warm hug. It took a lot of strength not t breakdown again but she managed it.

"What sort?" asked Mac sitting back down at his desk.

"Non Hodgkin's lymphoma, I've got an appointment tomorrow to work out the treatment plan," said Lindsay nerves having left her.

"I understand why you kept quiet Lindsay but I want you to be able to tell me things, if not as you boss but as a friend," said Mac with a sympathetic smile.

"Thanks," said Lindsay returning it.

"You just let me know when you need time off and I'll work it in, take the rest of the day off,"

"Actually I would kind of prefer to work, I'll only end up sat at home going over and over it and that wont change anything," said Lindsay quietly.

"Ok but you stay in the lab and if you want to leave just go you don't have to tell me," said Mac hoping he was doing the best thing.

"Could you do me a favor?" asked Lindsay, "could you get Flack, Stella and Hawkes together so I can tell them,"

"Of course I'll call them here," said Mac picking up the phone. Lindsay looked across to Danny.

"Your doing great Montana," he smiled.

Flack was the first to arrive surprisingly, but he was already on his way to the lab to let Mac know they'd got a warrant on one of their suspects.

"Hey what's going on?" asked Flack entering the office and spotting Danny and Lindsay, "heard you two been playing hockey," he said with a grin that gradually failed as he saw the serious looks on everyone's faces.

"This isn't to do with the case is it?" asked Flack leaning against the wall next to where Danny was sat.

"No," relied Mac as Stella and Hawkes entered talking to each other.

"What's with the meeting Mac?" asked Hawkes.

"I asked him to," said Lindsay as Stella and Sheldon came round so they were sat on the seat next to Lindsay, "I need to tell you all something and I'm not sure how," she said suddenly aware that all eyes in the room were now burning into her.

"I had to go to the hospital for some tests and we went to get the results this morning," said Lindsay, she saw Hawkes go to speak but Stella gently touched his leg stopping him.

"I have non Hodgkin's lymphoma." Once again the room went silent. Stella was the first to react standing and going over to Lindsay pulling her up into a hug. Flack who was stood next to Danny read by they lack of shock on Danny's face the 'we' Lindsay referred to was the both of them so the detective laid a hand on Danny's shoulder and gave him a pat before going over and hugging Lindsay who Stella had finally released.

"Lindsay if you need anything just ask," said Hawkes hugging her, "I've still got friends at the hospital and I can pull a few strings."

"Thanks Hawkes," smiled Lindsay," and I now you want to ask they said it was stage 2B," she added knowing the doctor in him would want to know.

"That good," said Hawkes, "not good I mean..." he started trying to correct himself.

"Hawkes its ok," said Lindsay with a smile knowing he hadn't meant it was good she got cancer.

"So what happens now?" asked Stella, "what sort of treatment are you having?"

"I find out tomorrow," replied Lindsay as her phone went off, "do guys mind?" she asked pulling it out.

"No go ahead," said Mac as Lindsay answered it and left the office.

"Wow,' sighed Flack sitting down, "that's a lot to deal with."

"How's she doing?" asked Mac looking at Danny.

"Better than I would," replied Danny.

"She's a trooper," said Stella watching as Lindsay walked up and down the corridor talking.

"What does this stage two B mean?" asked Danny looking at Hawkes.

"Well overall non Hodgkin's lymphoma is very treatable, stage two B means that the cancer cells are fast growing and she has one secondary symptom,"

"Secondary?" questioned Danny.

"Fatigue, loss of appetite, night sweats," listed Hawkes, "of course you can have more than one and it still be stage two B because some are linked together," he continued to explain as his pager went off, "I've got to go if either of you need anything," said Hawkes leaving as Danny nodded.

"How are you coping?" asked Stella.

"Its not me whose got caner,' replied Danny avoiding the question.

"No but it's you whose going to be there with her while she goes through it," said Flack in a tone that indicated Danny better not be about to bale.

"I guess just worried for now," said Danny, "she seems to be dealing ok just getting on with things,"

"That's what she does best," said Mac, "but you remember neither of you are alone in this well all be here to support you," said Mac offering Danny a warm smile which he returned.

"Thanks guys," said Danny smiling

"Is she working today," asked Flack.

"She said she wants to," answered Danny, "I don't know whether that's denial or her just getting on with it."

"I think it's a case of get on with it or break down," said Stella, "we'll keep an eye on her," she added as Flack's phone went off and he left the room.

"I suggest we get on with things as well," said Mac as he saw Lindsay hang up and head back towards them. Stella nodded then left nodding at Lindsay as she did.

"How do you want to handle this?" asked Mac as Lindsay reentered, "we can keep quiet to everyone else about it but eventually people are going to notice or find out."

"Yeah," sighed Lindsay, "it's not really a secret I just wanted to tell all of you to your faces."

"Well gossips spreads fast here," said Danny.

"Since I have to inform health and safety I guess about ten minutes after Louise knows the whole lab will," said Lindsay with a sarcastic smile.

"She's quicker than e-mail that one," said Danny.

"I guess I better go down there and fill in all the paper work," said Lindsay kissing Danny before laving.

"I didn't know you'd been dating for that long," said Mac once Lindsay had gone.

"What do you mean that long?" asked Danny.

"Kiss like that, that's serious," said Mac with grin.

"You know under than calm serious face your just like the rest of us," said Danny leaving a smiling Mac behind.

Filling in the paper work took Lindsay well over an hour and there were still more sheets to fill in once she knew what treatment she was getting. Since then she'd managed to keep herself busy and mostly unnoticed, Danny had been in a couple of times looking for 'equipment' when he'd noticed Lindsay's annoyance at this Stella and Hawkes seemed to contently need things from whatever room Lindsay was in. by the end of shift Lindsay was tired but not as bad as she had been although she'd had to go sit in the break room for half an hour in shift because she'd become that tired she couldn't work her limbs properly but it had eventually gone. Danny had phoned Lindsay to let her know he was on his way back and to meet him downstairs and they'd go home. Lindsay had spent the past hour in trace with Adam enjoying what normal conversation.

"Five says you don't know what that is by next shift," smiled Lindsay as Adam tried to out stare the evidence bag in his hand containing a small green unknown piece of trace.

"Your on," smiled Adam as Lindsay hung her lab coat up.

"See you then," said Lindsay, she was half way though the door when Adam spoke again.

"Hey," he called stopping Lindsay n her tracks, "urm if you need anything I'm here, just to you urm let you know," he said with a shy smile not looking directly at Lindsay.

"Thanks Adam," said Lindsay smiling and going over and hugging a slightly shocked Adam, "see you next shift bring your wallet," she said smiling as Adam nodded at her. She'd never considered Adam as been good at interacting with people but she wrong, he'd spent that hour with her doing just what she needed been normal despite the fact he knew.

**TBC…………………**

**Ok hopefully I got everyone reasonably in character but if you have any tips on how you think they'd react let me know.**


	7. Chapter 7

"So how was it?" asked Danny as they got into the taxi, Lindsay hadn't wanted to take cab to the train station but Danny was already waiting outside with one.

"Not bad," said Lindsay leaning into him giving away how tired she was.

"What's the plan tomorrow?"

"Take it as it comes," replied Lindsay her eyes closing the day suddenly catching up with her.

"Hey Montana as manly as I may be we've got to catch a train before you can go to sleep because I don't think I can carry you and navigate the station at the same time," said Danny nudging her.

"I'm not sleepy," said Lindsay as the cab came to a halt and she had to will herself to get out of the comfort. They didn't have to wait long for the train and after the first two stops the carriage they were in was almost empty.

"You still with me?" asked Danny nudging Lindsay who was almost laid on the seat next to him using his shoulder as a pillow.

"Yeah I'm just thinking," replied Lindsay groggily.

"About what?" asked Danny looking out the window into the darkness illuminated by the occasional flash of light as they went by a building.

"Tomorrow," answered Lindsay.

"I thought you didn't want to think about that."

"Didn't stop me," said Lindsay now picking at the back of the plastic seat in front, "what if I can't do this? When I was seven my dad let me ride my bike in the woods by myself for the first time and I fell off, broke my arm. Dad had been following me from a distance and came running over and carried me home, I remember clinging onto him while we were at the hospital. Then after I got my cast off I wouldn't go on my bike, dad had to physical put me on it and hold me there while he wheeled me up and down the road," Lindsay finished her story and looked up at Danny, "what if I can't get back on?"

"Lindsay you've grown up a lot since the, you've been through a lot and you've got through it," said Danny pulling her that bit closer to him, "and now you've got me to hold you on," he added smiling. Ten minutes later and Lindsay had fallen asleep she didn't wake as the train drew up at their spot.

"This would be a lot easier if I had something to wheel you along in Montana," muttered Danny as he lifted Lindsay up and struggled to get off the train Lindsay laid in his arms. The station was relatively quite and the few people there were giving Danny some strange looks as he carried Lindsay along. On reaching the exit doors he found himself with a slight dilemma luckily a women came to his rescue.

"Here," she pulled the door open for Danny.

"Thanks," smiled Danny carrying Lindsay through.

"I wish someone loved me enough to do that," commented the woman as she walked off.

Lindsay woke up a few minutes after they got in rather embarrassed at the fact Danny had carried her all the way home and got her into bed.

"Just showing off how manly I am," said Danny from the bathroom as Lindsay got changed into her nightclothes, a large tee shirt of Danny's.

"Whatever," said Lindsay as she got under the covers.

"I am manly," said Danny coming in and getting in next to her, "hey no ignoring me,' said Danny turning to find Lindsay was already asleep.

Lindsay awoke in an oppressive heat the blanket that lay on top of her was smoothing her with heat she never felt imaginable unless you were in a fire. He head swimming she pushed the blanket off her finding no relief she stumbled for the bed the warmth making the room spin as the heat encase he she lost her balance and stumbled into the bedside unit waking Danny.

"Lindsay," said Danny slowly opening his eyes and becoming aware of his surroundings and the fact his arm was now covered by a damp blanket, "Lindsay," called Danny, now fully awake he grabbed his glasses from the side and sat up to see Lindsay lent up against the wall her skin white as a sheet and the oversized tee shirt she was wearing stuck to her skin.

"It's too hot," said Lindsay breathlessly.

"Damn," Danny almost threw himself out of bed and round to her, he placed one arm round her waist and the other hand went up to her burning forehead. As he did he caught sight of the top leaflet laid on table, 'associated symptoms' bullet number three was night sweats.

"Ok Lindsay were going to cool you off," she said as she placed all her weight against him he found himself once again scooping her small frame into his arms as he carried her the few feet to the bathroom placing her so she was sat on the edge of the bath.

"Hot," mumbled Lindsay as she almost fell backwards. Danny grabbed her just in time. He had to hold an arm behind her while he took the shower attachment off and set it on cool.

"In you get," said Danny trying to maneuver Lindsay so she was sat in the bath, he than began spraying the cool water over her. It took a few minutes but he saw the flush in her cheeks begin to fade and she became more coherent.

"Thanks," said Lindsay as Danny turned the shower off leaving Lindsay now soaked through sat in the bath.

"Just stay sat there for a few minutes, I'm going to go change the bedding," said Danny kissing her on the forehead and smoothing her wet hair back.

"I'm sorry," said Lindsay embarrassed.

"Don't be sorry Linds," said Danny as he left. It took him ten minutes to change all the bedding then get Lindsay another of his tee shirts to wear. When he went back in he found Lindsay had got herself out and was wrapped in a towel drying her hair with another.

"How you doing?" asked Danny tossing her the shirt.

"Better, I just woke up and was so hot it was unbelievable."

"I think you're pretty hot," grinned Danny as Lindsay threatened to throw the towel at him.

"Messer," smiled Lindsay, "how can you manage to flirt now, you just had to change the sheets because of how much I sweat,"

"I can think of better ways of working up a sweat," smiled Danny as Lindsay threw the towel she had been drying her hair on at him covering his vision and when he'd removed it she'd changed into the new tee shirt.

"Such a tease," smiled Danny dropping the towel on the floor.

"Come on," he said holding a hand out.

"I love you," said Lindsay completely out of the blue knocking Danny sideways slightly.

"I love you too," smiled Danny as Lindsay stood and he pulled her into a hug and kissed her, "now lets get some sleep, it's like three am."

**TBC……………………………**


End file.
